Image used under CC via flickr.
Today I had a weird feeling in my gut when I woke up. I ignored it for the most part, got into my regular routine, took care of my morning obligations, and then came home. By around 11:30, I was mostly ready to work but the feeling started coming back. I only had a few major things on my agenda today, so I assumed I could just deal with it:
- Planned phone interview with a Realtor, someone I have met with before
- Call another Realtor that I have been putting off to for 2 weeks because of sickness/holidays
- Practice my passionate pitch, the thing I use after the elevator pitch if someone wants to know more
I decided to follow the things that have worked for me before when refining a speech. Practice in my head, then out loud, in front of the camera, watch it, begin a feedback loop and repeat until I am satisfied with the results. However, something funny happened this time; I got a knot in my stomach before presenting it to the camera. I figured it was just some stupid form of stage fright, and forced myself to do it anyways, but it only got worse.
Why was this happening? I am working on the right things. When I was on a call with a friend two weeks ago, I realized that I didn’t have a way to get someone fired up about my company because I didn’t have a way to clearly articulate how passionate I really am about it. I couldn’t pitch him to “join my company” when he put me on the spot and that was a major hole that needed fixing. If I ever want to get someone to join me, I have to be able to put my heart on my sleeve on command. Working on this is important and addressing it should make me feel better, not worse.
But here I was, feeling worse and worse. I almost came up with an excuse to cancel my scheduled phone interview, but I decided that was idiotic and went through with it. That may not have even been the best choice because I couldn’t muster good follow-up questions. I will probably have to redo parts of it later if it is to be useful. After that, I totally shut it down and avoided the call I have been putting off.
Where did this come from and what was it? It doesn’t feel like a flinch. It feels deeper than that. Maybe it is straight up self-doubt. As a result, I spent some time hiding from my work today. That is hard to admit, but it is true. I think I found some ways to deal with it, but I really want to know where it came from and how to battle it without losing 4 hours in the process. At least I am feeling better now. I went for a run, which in my book is 1 mile, and that knocked a few cobwebs out. Writing this will probably make me feel better too.
On the plus side, there was a time where that feeling would have caused days and days of internal strife and battling, fighting over the gnawing sense that something was wrong and the need to make progress. What do you think this was? Do you ever get this kind of feeling? What are your strategies for dealing with it?